MANIFEST VISUALIZE CREATE

Well, chemo number 48 under my belt. Still a bit green today, but on the upswing. Had dinner with Emily last night and we walked around her bit of prairie looking for signs of spring. Heard a meadowlark, saw tips of daffodils poking up, buds on her trees. Hooray for spring!

Read this on the Crazy Sexy Cancer blog:
"MANIFEST VISUALIZE CREATE. This mantra and practice is one of the many tools in my tool belt that I use to create and maintain the Crazy Sexy Lifestyle. When you embark on this journey of change you need all the support, tips, tricks and how to’s that you can get your mitts on. There are many aspects of changing ingrained behavior that are challenging, especially if a health crisis is the motivation."

Get specific. Be grateful. What you hold in your mind is what you create.

I'm on it!

I am grateful for my family
I am grateful for my friends
I am grateful for all the support and love
I am grateful for Dr. Kanard and the rest of the team at Cancer Center of the Rockies
I am grateful for Alimta and all the folks behind it's creation and production
I am grateful for my health and healing
I am grateful for the gift of laughter
I am grateful for the gift of HOPE

hugs,
chris

about the last post....

Right after the last post went up, I had a call from Dr. Kanard wondering what had happened...if I was ok. She called it Quality Control Check! Is she amazing, or what?! When your oncologist cares enough to not only read your blog, but check up on you (along with keeping you alive), that is quite wonderful. Thank you, Dr. Kanard!

Ok, so I was having a bit of a wah-wah moment. I must admit to a bit of a funk-I get a bit more down, I get a bit fussy now and then (especially when I can't do the things I want to or I see pictures and I no longer look like myself). But, I am doing well and I do realize how incredibly lucky I am. I had just let it all get to me and it was taking me down a bit.

My mother would ask, "what are you going to do about it?" My uncle would tell me, "take part in your own rescue." My brother would tell me to "get off the couch and go do something."

hugs,
chris

sheesh

I need to just shut up!

I get frustrated with what it has done to how I look and how I feel. I hate how it controls my calendar. Every 3 weeks for almost 2 1/2 years... I hate having this over my head and causing me terror... for 3 1/2 years.

I've been reading about other people's battles...some folks are waging huge wars. Such pain and suffering and loss.

Good grief, I need to get over my way big self and get back to loving life and counting my blessings every day. I am so lucky and I need to live that way.

Happily I get to start off with a bit of a tan (just back from sun in Texas and Mississippi) and having just spent 10 days laughing.

Truly, I just need to shut up.

hugs,
chris

Here I am!

I let this slip, didn't I? It is weird to find that after more than 3 years of dealing with the cancer and going through treatment, it has slipped into "regular" life... Being on the same treatment for so long also means that there are no new developments, no changes (thank goodness). I am so incredibly lucky.
I know that there are days that I am blindsided by it, by the piano dangling over my head. I also know that it is a weird kind of stress (no, that is not the word, but I cannot find one) that I am still here. It did not look good at the beginning and I spent a lot of time preparing myself for that. I know that my family and friends and colleagues did the same. We worked ourselves up, we did the "hurry up and have good times," we mourned.
Ok, I don't know how to wrap this up...so hard to explain without sounding like I am bummed about it. Don't get me wrong-I am very happy to be here!!
Thank you for all you do to make this all bearable. I am taking steps to get even healthier and I promise to keep on keeping on.
hugs,
chris