STABLE

Dr. Kanard left me a message last night. The PET scan shows stable disease. Whew and Yahoo!

Chemo tomorrow.

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.
Ruth Ann Schabaker

Hugs,
chris

speechless

Whoa…I just read Leroy’s (npr.org/mycancer) blog ... Someone wrote in and said:
"Every morning, while drinking my first cup of the day, I sit at the computer and read what NPR has to offer. I start with the daily headlines, the growing numbers of innocent victims of genocide, war, hunger, disease, poverty. And then I move on to this blog. I am not and have never been the 'victim' of cancer and for that I am grateful. I'm certain this will be interpreted by all as heartless, but amid all the death, destruction and sadness that comes with being born at the wrong time in the wrong place, I question the morality of expending unknown amounts of resources extending the life of one adult 'victim' who, it appears, has lived a privileged life up to this point. Am I alone when I ask this question?"

I was so angry when I read that, and stunned, and, well, speechless…. I realize that I am lucky, I realize that I have access and support that others do not, I realize that I have choices, but to have someone question whether I should be allowed to fight the cancer and extend my life pissed me off.

I thought Leroy’s response was very good and I calmed down after I read the other comments. For example one person wrote to say, “I would like to believe that our society is one that would choose to care for anyone in need and not place boundaries on that care for any reason. We aren't going to be able to help/save/fix everyone, but we have a responsibility to try our hardest without passing judgment.”

I am not good with conflict, but really appreciated one writer who said (about blogs): “No longer do we have to listen without recourse to someone else's opinion — we now have the ability to achieve true discourse and further the obligation to consider everyone's point of view.”

Ok, ok. It did start a good dialogue and there are things to think about. But, it still pissed me off!

I feel great this week and have some good New Year’s goals in the works. My next PET scan is on Tuesday (gulp) and then chemo next Friday.

Here is some info about PET. (I did a search in MedlinePlus and this is from the National Cancer Institute) The positron emission tomography (PET) scan creates computerized images of chemical changes, such as sugar metabolism, that take place in tissue. Typically, the patient is given an injection of a substance that consists of a combination of a sugar and a small amount of radioactively labeled sugar. The radioactive sugar can help in locating a tumor, because cancer cells take up or absorb sugar more avidly than other tissues in the body.

It was minus 6 when I got up this morning, with a minus 23 wind chill. Yikes! I wanted to crawl back under the covers! Supposed to stay cold for several days. Good weekend to get after some indoor projects.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend-stay warm!
Hugs,
chris

New Year Ramblings

I hope that 2007 is a wonderful year for all.
I was cleaning up email and bookmarks and decided to share some links and ramblings.

I discovered a wonderful website called Feeling Bold, http://www.feelingbold.com
Here is what it says: "It’s standing tall and strong in the face of a challenge. It’s listening to our inner whispers in our journey to become a roaring, powerful, loving and healthy warrior. It’s truth and beauty, balance and power, integrity and attitude. It’s faith and passion, desire and trust. It’s breathing and growing deeper into our raw and essential selves.It’s taking ourselves seriously and being the first to laugh at our own slips. It’s honoring and respecting ourselves and those around us. It’s love and magic, friendship and community, extending a hand and reaching out an arm."

Wow-what a wonderful message and how perfect to begin our new year with that as our guide.

I also came across a blog called 37days. I love it. Google it and check it out! "If you had only 37 days to live, would you feel happy with the story you have lived thus far? How would you express that story, learn from it, leave it for others? Those are the fundamental questions behind the blog, 37days."

You all know how I feel about Leroy Sievers' blog, npr.org/mycancer
He is able/willing to put into his blog more of the fears and worries of both the person with cancer and the friends and family around them. I have recognized myself and my loved ones in his posts. I have appreciated his candor for all of us. In one of his posts he says, “I hope I find the time to say the things that need to be said. That I let the people in my life know how important they are to me. That I find the words we so often leave unspoken. I hope that even when things look dark, I remember there are many others out there facing much greater challenges. I hope I'll always remember that, for better or worse, this is the burden I've been given to carry. And so I will carry it as long as I have the strength.”

Let’s make this the year we put on our own event to raise awareness and dollars for lung cancer…all cancer. How about a walk the morning after Thanksgiving? November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month. The statistics are humbling….let’s get after them.
http://www.lungcanceralliance.org/involved/lcam_month.html

Knitting-- Thanks to all who have contributed to this goal from 2006. Kirsten-we sure tried. Let’s try again this year! Hope springs eternal. Jill-thanks for all the goodies (Knit and Bitch, the bag). To the fiber arts lunch bunch at work-what fun and thanks (especially to Venice and all her patience and expertise)! Felting is next!

Walking--Amy answered that 2006 goal and is my Wednesday walking buddy. Pris also offered but we weren't as successful finding a time slot. We do have movie night, though! Emily and Pris and I get together and watch old movies. ("pellet with the poison is in the vestle with the pestle and chalice from the palace has the brew that is true")

To love and magic and friendship and community...
hugs,
c

just Thursday

Another good My Cancer blog (Leroy Sievers) today.
He began with: "We're taught early on not to step over the line. You can't cross police tape or a barricade. Don't drive over the double yellow line. Stay behind the yellow line at the bank or at immigration or on a bus. And for the most part, we obey.
Except in the world of cancer."

He goes on to talk about the radiation room, CT and MRI's, the chemo chemicals...
"My part of all this lies on the other side of that huge door, on the other side of those warning stickers, in a room where it isn't safe for anyone else to be.
The same is true of the chemo room. Those chemicals are dangerous. If they spill, or worse yet, spill on someone, it's taken very seriously. The clear liquid in those bags is dangerous. Unless, of course, you're there to have it pumped into your body. All the warnings on the bags, those are for other people. "

... "Somewhere along the line, we crossed the line. We live on the other side, where it's not safe for other people. We have to go to places and go through things that others are cautioned to avoid. We live on the other side.
I don't pay attention to those warnings anymore. I know they're not meant for me. Those of us with cancer go through things that others avoid. And that's as good a definition of what it's like to have cancer as I can come up with."

I guess I should have just linked to it, since I pasted so much in! That blog is npr.org/mycancer.

I had chemo on the 28th. They were able to get me in a bit early so that I could beat the snow home. Was happy to get down and back on dry roads. My dear friend Pris had located a picture for me to take to Dr. Kanard. It was Dr. Kanard and Pris' son at the junior/senior prom! The west is a small town to be sure!
Spent most of the next 4 days in bed-very tired this time. As I told Jim and Beth, I spent New Year's Eve with Alimta....so, will ring it in again with a more tasty chemical later! Actually, I think I will keep ringing in the new year whenever the mood strikes me!

I hope that you all have a glorious 2007--keep celebrating!
Hugs,