HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I wish you all the best in 2008.
May you have joy and laughter; comfort and adventure.

Come tip a glass with me!

hugs,
chris

3 years and still here!

I know I should write something today... I am speechless actually.
Lots of emotions. Overwhelmed. Sad. Weepy. Triumphant.

I went to look at what I wrote in December 2005 and December 2006:
One year ago today
It was a year ago today that the diagnosis of cancer changed my life....well, all our lives. I thank you all for your support this year. Your calls, prayers, cards, treasures, food, hugs, and dollars. I have been overwhelmed. I am very thankful.I wish you all a wonderful holiday season.

Thoughts on 2 years
A blizzard kept me from celebrating 2 years of (as Emily says) kicking C butt with friends last night....but, I sure did celebrate the fact that I was still here to tip a glass. (And I did so by tipping a glass...or two!) I am able to be here to celebrate because of YOU, because of Dr. Kanard and the chemo nurses (truly angels here on earth) at the Cancer Center of the Rockies, and because of Alimta.It has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions these past 2 years. From the high of "I will beat this," to the lows of "is this my last Christmas?" From days when it is all consuming to those days when I hardly think about it. From long nights of terror to days of HOPE. Let's all take HOPE into the new year...I know I am.

***********************************************************

It is a blessing to be here to celebrate another Christmas!

What else am I feeling? HOPE.
hugs,
chris

thank you

Several of you dear folks sent me messages after reading the last few blogs. Thank you for your more than kind words. Peg P.--you made me cry and you lifted me up. Sherri--"believe it, know it"...powerful words, powerful intentions. Sheila--your support keeps me going. Liz--I know, I know! I just need you to remind me. Peg K.--your regular notes of support and insight are invaluable.
And, thank you Marci for the care packages. Just when I need a laugh or something to comfort--there is a bit of care tied up in a ribbon.
And, thank you Amy and Jim. The beautiful flowers to celebrate 3 years of survival--a big ol vase of cheer!

I am so blessed to have so many out there who send prayers and positive energy my way. Sheila wrote, "You gotta know there are a lot of people filling the universe with positive energy for you."

Wow and thank you.

Peg P. wrote, "May you be surrounded with angels and lots of love"

Oh, I am...I am.

chris

slaps up side the head

Well, just try to be a whiner and a big cosmic hand slaps you up side the head. Yesterday I wrote a whiny blog. Last night I was reading Eat, Pray, Love and this paragraph jumped out...

"...people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But, that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leak away your innate contentment." (p 260)

Then this morning I was reading Kris Carr's Crazy, Sexy Cancer blog (http://crazysexycancer.blogspot.com ) ...topic, depression.
"I struggled with integrating my diagnosis with my self-image of being strong, able to handle anything, and HEALTHY. This took time and work with a fantastic therapist." This was written by a therapist, Terri Cole, who is guest blogging on depression and the power of affirmations.
"So let’s talk about tools for managing depression. First and foremost you must connect with the power of your mind and your thoughts. What do you say to yourself? Are you kind? Are you punitive? If you are not sure, take time this week to listen to the language you use to talk about yourself and write it down. What you say about yourself is what you “affirm” which influences your subconscious mind. " She goes on to write that, "For affirmations to be effective in your life you must get rid of the negative self talk and replace it with positive self talk. The things that are repeated most in your mind are the ones that stick."

A wake up slap, and tools to use. Ok, ok!!
hugs,
chris

Up. Down.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

Most days I am doing good, living in the moment, laughing, and feeling very, very lucky.

Then there are days...that I feel so discouraged. Feeling crummy for over a 100 days/year. I hate to look at pictures. It is startling to see myself looking hagard, old and fat, and not at all like myself. I get more and more behind with more and more things. I finally get to my power yoga and walking, and then it is chemo again, and I just don't feel like it.

I know, I know. Glass half full. Luckily I spend most of my time there...I am so happy that I have lived longer than they thought. I feel good more than I feel bad. I don't have multiple surgical scars or debilitating sickness. I am keenly aware of how really sick folks get. I know that I am very, very lucky.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

hugs,
chris

good morning!

Happy Snowy Friday. It would have been a perfect morning to stay home and put up my lights.

I get these messages from Daily Om, I loved this one this morning.

Life can be filled with countless lost moments. In the haste of juggling
the demands of family, work, friends, and the needs of your own body and
mind, your connection with the present is often replaced by preoccupation
with the future. Lost in thought and busyness, your attention is prone to
simply sliding over the surface of life. It's all too easy to miss the
simple moments that make your heart sing: a child's laughter, a crisp
snowflake resting on the windshield, the beat of your own heart.
You live and breathe amid the miracle of life. But for it to touch your
heart, you need to be present. The precious moments of calm and stillness
your heart longs for are born of your willingness to live the moment you
are in. Yes, this very moment.

I am feeling pretty good-had chemo on Wednesday instead of Thursday. Hoping it is an easy round and I can get a lot of holiday preparations done this weekend. If you live in Cheyenne, we will have the Guatemala tienda set up on Sunday morning at FUMC. And, the jewelry sale to benefit Relay for Life/ACS is still going on. Go to Mountain Avenue
(http://www.mountainave.net/index.html) and shop away! When you are ready to check out, be sure to select WY Libraries Relay for Life to designate the 25% donation. Happy shopping (and thank you from all of us in the battle against cancer).
Enjoy the season.
hugs,
chris