on belay

To all of you who are "on belay" for me...keeping me from sliding toward the black hole, THANK YOU.

You have tied ropes around my waist and kept a firm hold this week with your calls, email messages, soup and noodles, and popping your head over my cubicle.

I cannot tell you what a difference it makes in how I handle chemo week...

hugs,
chris

to blog or not to blog...

I am debating, once again, about doing this blog, what I post to this blog...

The "hole" posting was pretty personal and dark. I have tried to keep this a fairly positive place for folks to check in and see how I am doing. Ok, and I must admit that I am also looking for feedback...a blog hug. To know that someone is out there and reading this.

I am not sure that it is fair, to you or to me, if it is only the happy attitude stuff. I sometimes read about people who have cancer..."they never complained, always had a great attitude." I am beginning to see that as not fair to all the people who have cancer...and have bad days, bad weeks to only read that someone was upbeat all the time (or perceived to be). It is not fair to those who are new to the world of cancer. One of my other goals for this blog was to put a new face and voice to cancer, to lung cancer. If I were new to the battle, I would want to see a real representation of the days, of the emotions, to know what I was feeling was "normal". It is such a rollercoaster ride.

As I was debating this issue with myself and chatting with some friends about it and with Dr. Kanard, I came across this article in Women & Cancer. There is an article about Robin Roberts (she is on Good Morning America). At the beginning she was debating whether to make her journey public. Her mother then told her, "Make your mess your message." Robin said, "She helped show me that there are others who are going to benefit from [my story] and that the pain and discomfort I was going through would be minimal compared to the benefit I could bring to other people." She had resources and information and a voice.

Ok, so I am not on Good Morning America, but perhaps this can still be a place where I can offer my experience, resources, and HOPE.

I am hoping that this is more help than ego...that I benefit from sharing and you keep up with what is happening at my end.

enough babble for the day!
hugs,
chris
p.s. Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

garbage can

I have decided a couple of things.

One, I am happy to know that I have rubber bands in my DNA. I can snap back.

Two, I did not fall IN the dark hole. It was more like...falling in the garbage can. It was dark and there was some gunky stuff in there. But, not so deep that I could not find my way out, or at least peek over the rim. It is like the joke we heard in Iceland. "How do you find you way if you are lost in an Icelandic forest?" Answer: Stand up.

To those of you who called or sent an email message-thank you for the hand up. It means the world.

hugs,
chris

hole

I tripped and fell...and found myself staring down into a deep, dark hole. I have seen this hole before. I have wandered close to this hole before. But, this week, I am close enough to feel the dank, cold air on my skin.

I don't like it.