yikes!
I have been feeling great! If I don't look in the mirror or try to work out, there are days I do not feel sick. It is crazy! A cancer and stage that does not have good stats and 86 chemo treatments...and here I am working, walking, getting ready for grand vacations. I AM SO LUCKY!!
The yikes in the title is because of that mirror and workout part...I have come to realize, and this is not a proud moment, that I am so vain. I talk more about the cancer than I need to, because I am so embarrassed by how I look. I wanted people to know that it was the treatment and the cancer and not my lazy ass. That I was looking old because of the treatment and the cancer. My oncologist would suggest that I look around the chemo room, when I was having a "I hate this, I hate what this is doing to me and my life" moment. Selfishly, I would get a bit pouty about that. She is my reality check and I know what she meant-people are so, so sick. I realize that I need to get a handle on this. (You would think after almost 6 years, I would have a better grip.) I am so lucky.
It is a very different thing to mourn the loss of your look and looks, your lifestyle, your strength, than to mourn and suffer the loss of body parts.
I know that.
Time for me to take ownership of the parts I can do something about and come to terms with the rest. Because Alimta is letting me be here. This is no time to be vain about my butt. Life is for the living...go out and play!!
Have a great weekend!
hugs,
chris
The yikes in the title is because of that mirror and workout part...I have come to realize, and this is not a proud moment, that I am so vain. I talk more about the cancer than I need to, because I am so embarrassed by how I look. I wanted people to know that it was the treatment and the cancer and not my lazy ass. That I was looking old because of the treatment and the cancer. My oncologist would suggest that I look around the chemo room, when I was having a "I hate this, I hate what this is doing to me and my life" moment. Selfishly, I would get a bit pouty about that. She is my reality check and I know what she meant-people are so, so sick. I realize that I need to get a handle on this. (You would think after almost 6 years, I would have a better grip.) I am so lucky.
It is a very different thing to mourn the loss of your look and looks, your lifestyle, your strength, than to mourn and suffer the loss of body parts.
I know that.
Time for me to take ownership of the parts I can do something about and come to terms with the rest. Because Alimta is letting me be here. This is no time to be vain about my butt. Life is for the living...go out and play!!
Have a great weekend!
hugs,
chris
posted by Chris in Wyoming @ 10:38 AM
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